Situational Irony Lover Pillows

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"Little help?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Perfection Troubleshootors.

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

The Boss of the Kleptomania Clinic has turned up for work only to discover his Clinic has been stolen

"George was only interested in mega-bytes, so I got him this rottweiler..."