Situational Irony Fan Pillows

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

Time management office worker

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

Ambulance arrives at full hospital

"Don't forget to wash your hands."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Ingoldsby Legends - Impious Bishop Robert of Birchington

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

"Stick what up?"

'Okay - which one was here first?'

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

"If anyone's got a plan B, now would be a good time."

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

'I heard your licence was revoked.'

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"Why am I always the bad guy?"

'Soccer hooligans, majesty! Thousands of them! We're doomed!'

'Aah! I've caught you Dobson - making love to my wife during working hours!'

"Pay no attention to Brian, he's always playing the victim."

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

'Yes... Now I see - no pocket. So perhaps the glove is defective.'

"Apologies but I can't see any patients today."

'They all send their love except Mother who says break the other arm.'

"Dad, where did you get the name Baldo?"