Ironic Situations Fan Pillows

How to reach us.

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

Ambulance arrives at full hospital

Knife-thrower.

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

'Dude! Quick! Jump in! We've got to balance the load!'

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

'Okay - which one was here first?'

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

'Aah! I've caught you Dobson - making love to my wife during working hours!'

Ostriches

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"Lasagna anyone?"

I thought you wanted me to sell your car.

Please observe an awkward silence.

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'They couldn't exactly get me a date, but they offered me a job as a practice dummy.'

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

'Yes... Now I see - no pocket. So perhaps the glove is defective.'

Warning contains Nuts