Ironic Situations Fan Pillows

How to reach us.

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

Ambulance arrives at full hospital

Knife-thrower.

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

'Okay - which one was here first?'

'Dude! Quick! Jump in! We've got to balance the load!'

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

Ostriches

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

'Aah! I've caught you Dobson - making love to my wife during working hours!'

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

"Lasagna anyone?"

Please observe an awkward silence.

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'They couldn't exactly get me a date, but they offered me a job as a practice dummy.'

I thought you wanted me to sell your car.

The Right Place at the Right Time. I'm sorry, sir, but if you don't have a reservation …