Ironical Situations Lover Pillows

"Saved at last!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

'Okay - which one was here first?'

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

"I . . . uh. . . had a real pleasant evening, Wendy!"

"Sundials! Hourglasses!"

'I've prepared this powerpoint presentation about myself which takes precisely the allotted five minutes.'

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

'Do you take this woman...'-'Sorry just got a call coming through.'

'Reading between the lines Colin began to suspect that a second date was unlikely!'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

'Happy Christmas! I got you a card.' - 'Oh, thanks.' - 'Sorry it's damp... I licked the envelope too hard.' - 'Oh, right.' - 'If you rub it on your face, it's like we're kissing.' - 'Oh, no... quick! Give me your hat!'

Warning contains Nuts

'Yeah yeah... we'll do lunch next week when it's not so hectic around here.'

"You're not exactly what I was looking for either."

"Larry?!"