Ironical Situation Lover Pillows

"Little help?"

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

'Okay - which one was here first?'

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

Come hell, or highwater, Eric remains confident that his call will come.

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"I . . . uh. . . had a real pleasant evening, Wendy!"

"Sundials! Hourglasses!"

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

'What is it now, Dennis...can't you see I'm busy?'

'Happy Christmas! I got you a card.' - 'Oh, thanks.' - 'Sorry it's damp... I licked the envelope too hard.' - 'Oh, right.' - 'If you rub it on your face, it's like we're kissing.' - 'Oh, no... quick! Give me your hat!'

"It's these new glasses dear! I thought it was you!"

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

'Yeah yeah... we'll do lunch next week when it's not so hectic around here.'

"You're not exactly what I was looking for either."

"Larry?!"

'Try to relax Karen. I was a little nervous when I visited your parents home.'

"It was embarrassing. Someone stole my identity and my credit rating improved!"