Ironic Situation Lover Pillows

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

Come hell, or highwater, Eric remains confident that his call will come.

'Okay - which one was here first?'

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

"I . . . uh. . . had a real pleasant evening, Wendy!"

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"Sundials! Hourglasses!"

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

'What is it now, Dennis...can't you see I'm busy?'

'Happy Christmas! I got you a card.' - 'Oh, thanks.' - 'Sorry it's damp... I licked the envelope too hard.' - 'Oh, right.' - 'If you rub it on your face, it's like we're kissing.' - 'Oh, no... quick! Give me your hat!'

"It's these new glasses dear! I thought it was you!"

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

"You're not exactly what I was looking for either."

'Yeah yeah... we'll do lunch next week when it's not so hectic around here.'

"Larry?!"

'Try to relax Karen. I was a little nervous when I visited your parents home.'

Female guest congratulating the bridegroom.

"It was embarrassing. Someone stole my identity and my credit rating improved!"