Ironic Situation Lovers Pillows

'Okay - which one was here first?'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

"Don't forget to wash your hands."

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

Come hell, or highwater, Eric remains confident that his call will come.

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"I . . . uh. . . had a real pleasant evening, Wendy!"

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

"Sundials! Hourglasses!"

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

"It's these new glasses dear! I thought it was you!"

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'Happy Christmas! I got you a card.' - 'Oh, thanks.' - 'Sorry it's damp... I licked the envelope too hard.' - 'Oh, right.' - 'If you rub it on your face, it's like we're kissing.' - 'Oh, no... quick! Give me your hat!'

'Yeah yeah... we'll do lunch next week when it's not so hectic around here.'

"You're not exactly what I was looking for either."

"Larry?!"

"It was embarrassing. Someone stole my identity and my credit rating improved!"

'Try to relax Karen. I was a little nervous when I visited your parents home.'

Female guest congratulating the bridegroom.