Absurd Situation Lover Pillows

"Sundials! Hourglasses!"

"Little help?"

Extreme Sisyphus

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Bad Interview Technique

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

The Consequences of an Interrupted Shower.

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

PODs Venn Diagram

"Ah guys, before you push any buttons can I just check my calculator?"

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

"Apropo of nothing, would you still love me if I were a sausage?"

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

'How would you describe yourself. . . a leader or a follower.'

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

Sea Monster Gabs Desert Island

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

'No, I'm not laundering money. The bills are just damp. I keep my money under my mattress and I think my waterbed is leaking.'

Genie in a trash can.

'Well son, it seems a bit of a fuss for an overdue library book.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News