Absurd Situation Fan Pillows

"For god's sake man stop doing the backstroke."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

"It's not what you think."

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

"Is really wet, here!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"Never seen a cow before?"

Lester Hacks into an Abacus.

Ambulance arrives at full hospital

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

'Hot Apple Pie' from a cash machine

Shy Man at Party

Customers who bought this also bought...

"Do you think he'll bring treats?"

Apple white paint results in pictures of apples.

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

What heppens when you tie a rope around an elephant's loins and sit a cowboy on its back. (Rodeo today).

Pet bird on a lead.

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

The Puppet Poop

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

"Well, some of us were synchronized."

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

Goal!

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."