Absurd Situations Pillows

'It was identity theft by my body double!'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Barcode Dreams

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

Crab with a clown face.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

Post Post

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'Not as easy as it looks?"

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

Kate's Cat Kennel

"He is a service dog – he's my accountant."

A shark swims into a desert island.

"It's perfect."

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

A toaster plays fetch

Man crawling on desert see a dry cleaners in distance.

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

'Your moon is on Saturn. Your sun is on Venus, and your hand is on my thigh!'

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

An astronaut sees a scarecrow on an asteroid as he passes by.