Absurd Situations Gifts

'It was identity theft by my body double!'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

Barcode Dreams

Crab with a clown face.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

Spiderman car window cleaner

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

'Not as easy as it looks?"

Post Post

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

Kate's Cat Kennel

"He is a service dog – he's my accountant."

A shark swims into a desert island.

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

"It's perfect."

A toaster plays fetch

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

Man crawling on desert see a dry cleaners in distance.

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

'Your moon is on Saturn. Your sun is on Venus, and your hand is on my thigh!'

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."