Ironic Situations Gifts

"Cancel my appointment, something came up."

Warning contains Nuts

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

"Don't forget to wash your hands."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

'Your moon is on Saturn. Your sun is on Venus, and your hand is on my thigh!'

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

'Okay - which one was here first?'

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

"Lasagna anyone?"

Call Center Agents Should Be Able To Apologize And To Admit Mistakes.

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

'Just so i'll know you can't resuscitate a grape-nut, right?'

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

'It was identity theft by my body double!'

'The entire Nadler family was devoured by a flesh-eating bathroom fungus.'

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

Window cleaner taking ladder out from under his colleague.

Golfer on Football Pitch

"Up, down or bite your face off?"

"Damn it, Maureen! You just don't break up a winning combination!"

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'

'Yeah yeah... we'll do lunch next week when it's not so hectic around here.'

"It was embarrassing. Someone stole my identity and my credit rating improved!"