Ironic Situations Gifts

"Cancel my appointment, something came up."

Warning contains Nuts

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

"Don't forget to wash your hands."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

'Okay - which one was here first?'

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

'Your moon is on Saturn. Your sun is on Venus, and your hand is on my thigh!'

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

Call Center Agents Should Be Able To Apologize And To Admit Mistakes.

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

"Lasagna anyone?"

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

'Just so i'll know you can't resuscitate a grape-nut, right?'

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

'It was identity theft by my body double!'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

The Right Place at the Right Time. I'm sorry, sir, but if you don't have a reservation …

Window cleaner taking ladder out from under his colleague.

Golfer on Football Pitch

"Up, down or bite your face off?"

"Damn it, Maureen! You just don't break up a winning combination!"

'The entire Nadler family was devoured by a flesh-eating bathroom fungus.'

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'