Ironic Situation Aficionado Gifts

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

The Snarky District

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

Bad Interview Technique

Holiday cottage

"No more cartooning, I'm afraid. You've got an irony deficiency."

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

"Less roman, more clef."

TV Chef Cooking Range

"You're afraid of what?"

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

Performance reviews in Hell.

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

I've been scouting new locations for the strip. Great. We can certainly use some. Have you found anything exciting so far? Yes. A bench on the other side of the park. It has a trash can in the background.

Committee On Feline Healthcare

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Tips for cabinet ministers: Want to keep your limo? Add black curtains and pretend it's a hearse!

Sewee-Cide.

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

"Repent! The Venga bus is coming!"

Hair Salon.

'I wonder if you would like to subscribe to a theory.'