Ironic Situation Aficionado T-Shirts

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

The Snarky District

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

Bad Interview Technique

"No more cartooning, I'm afraid. You've got an irony deficiency."

Holiday cottage

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

TV Chef Cooking Range

"You're afraid of what?"

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

"Less roman, more clef."

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

"Repent! The Venga bus is coming!"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Tips for cabinet ministers: Want to keep your limo? Add black curtains and pretend it's a hearse!

Sewee-Cide.

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'I wonder if you would like to subscribe to a theory.'

Hair Salon.

Man contains water...false promises...fat...true grit...cliches.