Ironic Situation Fan Pillows

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

Backfire

"Little help?"

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

"Nice haircut."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Guide dog with eyesight proplem.

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

'This is the kind of hat you wear to bed.'

"If you don't start misbehaving, there won't be any Halloween candy for you."

"It's not what you think."

Man has a dream about a clumsy sheep.

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

'He's been at it too long. Now, when the bell rings, Dr. Pavlov salivates.'

Did You Know That...Scientists in Illinois, USA, claim we would live a longer life if we were more like elves?

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"And Moses climbed the mountain day and night searching for some sort of sign from God when suddenly he saw it"

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

Misery Memoirs Bumper Pack.

"God, I hate to fly."

The 'Death Tax'

'No thanks. I'm just looking...'

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

Ambulance arrives at full hospital

'Due to all the government bailouts, you'll need to earn more. We're counting on you to bail us out.'