Ironic Situations Admirer Pillows

'Wait until he's switched on his ipod, then we can sneak up unheard...'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

"Previously on..."

Adoption centre nurse accepting a bribe from a pack of wolves

'Dude! Quick! Jump in! We've got to balance the load!'

'Okay - which one was here first?'

'Great team. Brilliant coach. No ball handler...'

'Holy S**t!'

'This motel doesn't have WiFi. So NOW who's going to babysit the kids??'

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"Lasagna anyone?"

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

"His parents never picked him up."

'That's what I said - a hit and run steamroller...'

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

'The entire Nadler family was devoured by a flesh-eating bathroom fungus.'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

The Right Place at the Right Time. I'm sorry, sir, but if you don't have a reservation …

"Maybe he'll take a mulligan."

Receptionist takes managing director a cup of coffee/tea, finds him having sex with someone, leaves, then comes back with two cups of coffee/tea.

Warning contains Nuts

'Yeah yeah... we'll do lunch next week when it's not so hectic around here.'

'Sorry Trevor, but I don't date people I work with.'

"It was embarrassing. Someone stole my identity and my credit rating improved!"

'My wife is out of town for a few days.'

'You have to trust me, I'm not a doctor.'

How to reach us.

'Worse than the blind date. . . the 'I didn't know I was on a date' date.'