Situational Humor Fan Gifts

"If anyone's got a plan B, now would be a good time."

"Why am I always the bad guy?"

Fanning a man who's passed out with money.

Skipping Horse

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10 K Tail-Chase

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

The Snooze Bar.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Dog in casino.

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

tRUMp, Pirate President

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

No, I don

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'