Improbable Situational Humor Fan Gifts

"Stick what up?"

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'More government surveillance!'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

How men process questions.

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

'It's all due to the birthrate falling drastically...'

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

Sign # 23 that you've spent too much time at a game: your nails are longer than your fingers and your hair touches your ankles.

"Italy just bought France."

Biden Ignores the G7 Leaders on Afghanistan

'It's educational TV, Mom — the redheaded girl in the lime-green bikini has a teaching degree.'

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

A whale with corporate sponsorship

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."