Situation Comedy Fan Gifts

'Yes... Now I see - no pocket. So perhaps the glove is defective.'

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

"You two are fired as security guards. Now gather up your things and escort each other from the building."

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'They all send their love except Mother who says break the other arm.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

A Fairytale Update

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Vlad the Impala

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?