Situation Comedy Fan Gifts

'Yes... Now I see - no pocket. So perhaps the glove is defective.'

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

"You two are fired as security guards. Now gather up your things and escort each other from the building."

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'They all send their love except Mother who says break the other arm.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

A Fairytale Update

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Vlad the Impala

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.