Situational Comedy Fan Gifts

'I heard your licence was revoked.'

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

Will hide my face with this sign for food. ?

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

Woody Allen

This is tech support. I will try to correct your problem, or perhaps create another problem.

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

"Hold on a second there, Roger; Ken's raised some very good points."

Cards Galore.

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"Ah, sweatpants."

Ambulance arrives at full hospital

"Oh, I'm sorry. That procedure isn't covered. Now, spin the wheel to see what you'll pay."

Knife-thrower.

"We're a bit polarized here, I'm afraid. Ingrid wants to invade Haiti, I don't."

Fenton, Griff, Wintz & Barkins - Attorneys-at-law: The Legal We Do Immediately, The Illegal Takes a Little Longer

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"...and in this circle the wi-fi is particularly patchy..."

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

"Well, of course you have a heart."

"Stick what up?"

Torontino Blessing - "Ha! Fucking! Ha!"

"Ooh...this looks like fun. I could do with a good giggle!"