Situational Comedy Lover Gifts

'I'm wondering where my wife is.'

"Little help?"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

Unreal Estate.

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

Come hell, or highwater, Eric remains confident that his call will come.

"Stick what up?"

'Okay - which one was here first?'

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

"So why do they call you Big Dog?"

Sadie hated Sunday lunchtimes.

"You mind if I smoke?"

"If anyone's got a plan B, now would be a good time."

'I heard your licence was revoked.'

"Get undressed. Remove everything except the mask."

'The prisons are full, so I'll just have the city engineers tear up the street in front of your house.'

"Why am I always the bad guy?"

'Man! That must have been a GREAT New Years party!'