Situational Comedy Lover Pillows

'I'm wondering where my wife is.'

"Little help?"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

Yes, I'm sure I existed. 404 not found.

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

"You mind if I smoke?"

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

Come hell, or highwater, Eric remains confident that his call will come.

Unreal Estate.

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

Sadie hated Sunday lunchtimes.

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

Cake Shop: Parking Meter

"So why do they call you Big Dog?"

"Stick what up?"

'Okay - which one was here first?'

"If anyone's got a plan B, now would be a good time."

'I heard your licence was revoked.'

'The prisons are full, so I'll just have the city engineers tear up the street in front of your house.'

"Get undressed. Remove everything except the mask."

"Why am I always the bad guy?"