Site Optimizer Gifts

'Actually your site isn't one in a million. According to Alexa, it's more like 1 in 2.5 million.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

Blowing dust off an order book.

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

'Let's put it this way, your Billy is the only kid in class without his own website,,,'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

Castle Efficiency

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

"It's an alert from my smart desk. It wants me to go paperless because it can no longer bear the weight of all the paper I use."

"That's your tiny house!"

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

Kids' energy levels

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.