Online Optimizer Gifts

Internet lock.

'This is depressing, the Pro Bowl had more hits than my website.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

The Devolution of Man

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

Castle Efficiency

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

Kids' energy levels

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

"That's your tiny house!"

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

'Office real estate' lifting weights