Performance Optimizer Gifts

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

Blowing dust off an order book.

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

The Devolution of Man

Castle Efficiency

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

Kids' energy levels

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

"That's your tiny house!"

"It's an alert from my smart desk. It wants me to go paperless because it can no longer bear the weight of all the paper I use."

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.

Derision/Leader/Respect

"I like putting any all the holiday decorations....it makes the room seem twice as large."

"I, too, like being festive, but since we live in a nest, space is a factor."

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

'I prefer it this way.'