Process Optimizer Gifts

"Your solution is far too simple for a real expert..."

"Does our improvement really need to be so continuous?"

The Devolution of Man

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

'It's new from British Telecom...a telephone ignoring machine.'

Blowing dust off an order book.

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

Castle Efficiency

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

"That's your tiny house!"

Kids' energy levels

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

"It's an alert from my smart desk. It wants me to go paperless because it can no longer bear the weight of all the paper I use."

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'