Workflow Optimizer Gifts

'Technology has helped us get rid of all the administrative red tape - now the mess is all digital.'

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

"Hurry up with that cork!"

'It'll be a shock to the workforce, they only work two days a week.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'It's new from British Telecom...a telephone ignoring machine.'

Pendulum, inc workboxes: 'TO and FRO'.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

Failure/Due Diligence

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Production: Urgent, Rush, Super Rush.

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

Empty/Full

Three work boxes: 'IN...LIMBO...OUT': 'I think I've found your bottleneck.'

Miss Pike, send a memo to all members of staff.....Economies must be made.'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

'It was accidentally reversed one day and our profits immediately skyrocketed.'

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"How was your day?"

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

The Devolution of Man

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

A usual day.

In Tray, Out Tray and Not My Job Tray

"So what's on the agenda today? Let's see--nap, then count my spots, then nap again, then chase my tale, nap yet again, then beg for good, nap, scratch at the door, finally come in and find a spot to go to sleep. Just not enough time in the day."