Workflow Warrior Gifts

"I think he's just going through the motions."

"The 'hot desking' was supposed to be cheaper and more efficient! But it's been a nightmare!"

"Done with the evaluations? Great! Now let's evaluate the evaluations!"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

A word to the wise. At this morning's meeting you were referred to as the 'the bottleneck'.

A usual day.

"How was your day?"

In and Out

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

37 years in the same position.

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Morning, all!"

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Low-Energy Drinks

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

What My Day Feels Like

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'