System Optimizer Gifts

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

'It's new from British Telecom...a telephone ignoring machine.'

Blowing dust off an order book.

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

The Devolution of Man

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

Castle Efficiency

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"It's an alert from my smart desk. It wants me to go paperless because it can no longer bear the weight of all the paper I use."

"That's your tiny house!"

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

Kids' energy levels

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"Hurry up with that cork!"

"I, too, like being festive, but since we live in a nest, space is a factor."