Process Optimizer Pillows

"Your solution is far too simple for a real expert..."

"Does our improvement really need to be so continuous?"

The Devolution of Man

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'It's new from British Telecom...a telephone ignoring machine.'

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Blowing dust off an order book.

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

Castle Efficiency

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"That's your tiny house!"

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

Kids' energy levels

Avoidance of Situation/Work required to succeed.

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

"It's an alert from my smart desk. It wants me to go paperless because it can no longer bear the weight of all the paper I use."

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'