Sitcom Lovers Gifts

"We don't mind the clones watching 'Roseanne,' but I don't think they should stay up for Charlie Rose."

Oh, Lucy, I never say anything like this in my whole life! Oh, Ricky, the studio must think a lot of you to give you a suite like this. My solution for pain? Painaway Jet Spray! Buy a Chevy! They don

'There's no decent comedy on TV nowadays. Why don't they bring back Mr Blobby?'

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

'If bringing still wine to the interview was a mistake, is there someplace nearby where I can pick up some bubbly?'

Children's Parties

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

Lesser known greek gods,

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Applause

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

How Amazon was invented