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"We don't mind the clones watching 'Roseanne,' but I don't think they should stay up for Charlie Rose."

'There's no decent comedy on TV nowadays. Why don't they bring back Mr Blobby?'

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

'If bringing still wine to the interview was a mistake, is there someplace nearby where I can pick up some bubbly?'

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Lesser known greek gods,

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

Applause

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

How Amazon was invented

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"Well what does the GPS say?"