Sinner In Training Gifts

'I think we took a wrong turn at Sodom or Gomoorah.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Rap music

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

I disturbed the class by talking in my sleep.

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

Pranking Zombies

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with..."

Brother Ernest, you have give up all donuts for lent, not just the ones with pink icing.

'Oh well, if greed wasn't so good, we've still got lust, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.'

Selfie Man

Seven deadly sins store

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

'Reverend, my husband didn't make it to church today. Could I have a list of the sins you mentioned in your sermon?'

'If Jesus died to forgive our sins, the least we can do is commit a few.'

Cloud Hang

"Good morning! I'd like to come in and talk to you about the Bible..."

'This should come out just right.'

"It gets a tad crowded in winter when I share the cave with 100s of hibernating snakes."

"We don't need to push down on the pedal QUITE so hard, Petunia."

"Only when you master the Carry Forward Dedcution Defence will it be time for you to go."

'I didn't realize the locksmithing test would be this tough.'

'I like a boy in my class. Do you have anything that smells like peanut butter?'

"Next year we lose our nap time...then we have to wait until we get real jobs to get it back!"

'When I said we need to put some magic back into our marriage...'

'I'm fed up living this way as a recluse. I'll get a place in the country, and become a hermit.'

Evil Personified $1.00

"Vanity alert! Jerry's coming with his selfie stick and he knows how to use it!"

"He just walked out - right in the middle of our act."

Property of April Fool

"You know, if I wrote all day, and you brought me meals on a tray, I could pretend I was at one of those writers' colonies all summer."

Bagpipe Training School - "Next time don't suck so hard."

"You just march right back in there and keep marching around and around until he sees you're good enough to put back in the marching band."

'These new mirror glasses are for very vain people. The mirrors are on the inside.'