Gentleman-in-training Gifts

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

"Better luck next time, kid."

'I'm studying how other geniuses handled creative blocks.'

Children's party - Pin the Tail using a tablet

'Swing?! I'll drop my handheld!'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Yeah, that's mine - My mom puts my name inside my helmet in case it comes off.

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with..."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"The butler did it!"

'That's nice, but isn't it supposed to be a grill?'

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

"There's been a change in plans. Instead of Abilene, we're going to Camelot."

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

'Daddy! Your hammer doesn't work good!'

Colonel Bagshot.

"Aren't you afraid you might get too smart?"

Coffee Shops of the Old West: "Damn it Zeke! How many times do I have to tell you?? When a customer asks for a double shot...he means Espresso!"

Easy shaving

Pentagon Science Contest: 'I get that a lot...must be from being in the presence of raw genius.'

Dog House Building Kit

Gentlemen

'I wish I had a horse.'

Boss? Why've you been calling me "Sauron" all day? It's a hero's journey thing. Step 8, to be exact: The Ordeal. In the ordeal, the hero of the story faces a pivotal test of either strength or will. In Lord of the Rings, the ordeal was the face-off with Sauron. But why'd you start calling me that right after I asked for a raise? Denied, foul beast! ... Now, let me check my bank account for Step 9: The Reward.

'Adult prodigy' "It's most extraordinary -and he's only 37."

"You know, if I wrote all day, and you brought me meals on a tray, I could pretend I was at one of those writers' colonies all summer."

A Bad Time for John Thomas.

The neames of hardware items are often hard to remember...'I'm looking for a box of metallic pins about 1 inch long and with a pointed tip with a sort of circular surface?' 'Nails! Aisle 2B'

Rural Butler Speaking to Town Gentleman

Gentlemen's club

Retirement Presentation - ...try and get a hobby so you won't be calling back to see us.

Truth is Great.

Urbane Guerillas

"This leaf tells me you are not ready to drive."