Gentleman-in-training T-Shirts

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

"Better luck next time, kid."

Children's party - Pin the Tail using a tablet

'Swing?! I'll drop my handheld!'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

"The butler did it!"

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'That's nice, but isn't it supposed to be a grill?'

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

"There's been a change in plans. Instead of Abilene, we're going to Camelot."

'Daddy! Your hammer doesn't work good!'

Coffee Shops of the Old West: "Damn it Zeke! How many times do I have to tell you?? When a customer asks for a double shot...he means Espresso!"

Colonel Bagshot.

"Aren't you afraid you might get too smart?"

Pentagon Science Contest: 'I get that a lot...must be from being in the presence of raw genius.'

Easy shaving

Dog House Building Kit

Gentlemen

'I wish I had a horse.'

A Bad Time for John Thomas.

"You know, if I wrote all day, and you brought me meals on a tray, I could pretend I was at one of those writers' colonies all summer."

'Adult prodigy' "It's most extraordinary -and he's only 37."

The neames of hardware items are often hard to remember...'I'm looking for a box of metallic pins about 1 inch long and with a pointed tip with a sort of circular surface?' 'Nails! Aisle 2B'

Retirement Presentation - ...try and get a hobby so you won't be calling back to see us.

Rural Butler Speaking to Town Gentleman

Gentlemen's club

"This leaf tells me you are not ready to drive."

Truth is Great.

Urbane Guerillas

"Back off. I got house keys and I'm not afraid to use them."