Young Gentleman In Training Gifts

Easy shaving

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

'Don't worry. I'm using carpet shampoo.'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

'No, that isn't my slippers either! Try again.'

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

Dolphin tricks.

Pranking Zombies

"Goal!"

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

"There's been a change in plans. Instead of Abilene, we're going to Camelot."

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

'Daddy! Your hammer doesn't work good!'

'This should come out just right.'

'Stop it! Stop it, you two! If you keep fighting about it, then neither one of you will get to be 'coach's bench buddy'...'

Coffee Shops of the Old West: "Damn it Zeke! How many times do I have to tell you?? When a customer asks for a double shot...he means Espresso!"

'You have to do that chair again. You got the paint on upside down.'

"We don't need to push down on the pedal QUITE so hard, Petunia."

Dog House Building Kit

'Well, you told me not to walk through the kitchen in muddy boots!'

'...and I used to worry about global warming!'

"Mommie!"

"Only when you master the Carry Forward Dedcution Defence will it be time for you to go."

'I didn't realize the locksmithing test would be this tough.'

'I wish I had a horse.'

'When I grow up, Dad, I want to be just like you.'

'When I said we need to put some magic back into our marriage...'

"Did you remember to put the dog out?"

A Boy and His Dog.

"He just walked out - right in the middle of our act."

Property of April Fool

Bagpipe Training School - "Next time don't suck so hard."