Sinister Humor Aficionado Pillows

"And, if you don't have an attorney, we have millions of them."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"The Eggsorcist"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Trappist Monk Discord

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

HELLth Food Sprouts

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."