Sinister Humor Aficionado Gifts

"And, if you don't have an attorney, we have millions of them."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'You can just forget about the cake.'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Trappist Monk Discord

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

"The Eggsorcist"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."