Sinister Humorist Gifts

'Oh, well... It's been lovely talking to you, but I really must get back to work. See you in hell.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

Fancy a pint?

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"What are you doing?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Cat Frankenstein