Sinister Humor Seeker Gifts

"You won't find any cute little birdies here."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

Due to his low center of gravity, Jake is the greatesr broncbuster ever!

'Fetch.'

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

The Runaway Horse

Giraffe Umbrella

Transylvanian backpackers.

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Figures from 'Ascent of Man' diagram all do the Conga: 'Let's all fo the Conga, na-na-na-na ...'

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

A caveman paints from life

"I'm just here to pick up some bagels."

National Everything Awareness Day

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Dragon Hair-dryer.

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"