Single Ladies Gifts

Macho Marriage Bureau,

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

"You lack spontaniety."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"Sure, I'd get married again, but who wants a she-wolf with two adopted children?"

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

'Don't look now - it's a ghost from our Christmas party past.'

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

Speed Dating Disasters

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

Children.

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

'Are you seeing anybody?'

People told me virtual dating was safe!

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

Bachelor gettin giddy from dancing

'Okay, I'll stand on the mantle, but she's never going to believe you bagged a duck.'

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."