Singing Show Fan Gifts

'Honey, I think it's cute that grumpy sings along with universal idols.'

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

"The smell and filth I can cope with. It's the Jedward impressions I can't stand!"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Tenors

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

Pirate King

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Granted, there's no business like show business, but that's not the business I know."

A singer being criticised

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

Man reads from card at awards ceremony: 'And the award for Best Actress goes to ...'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'