Singing Show Fan Pillows

'Honey, I think it's cute that grumpy sings along with universal idols.'

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

"The smell and filth I can cope with. It's the Jedward impressions I can't stand!"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Tenors

Clive Anderson

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

Pirate King

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

A singer being criticised

"Granted, there's no business like show business, but that's not the business I know."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"