Tv Talent Show Fan Pillows

Christine O'Donnell's Danse Macabre.

'Why is it okay to put shock collars on dogs but not American idol contestants?'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

Clive Anderson

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

The Ox Factor

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

Ostrich TV.

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

Tommy Cooper

Ronni Ancona.

"This i why I always dress in bright colors."

Eh... yes Mister eh... Genghis. Can I just ask where did you get your boots?

'If we lose the malpractice lawsuit, we can always sell it to the Bloopers Channel.'

'I'm no Einstein, but I play one on TV!'