Silver Seniors Club Gifts

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"I came here to get in shape, young man! What does me picking up your bar bill have to do with it?"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Pensioner's Romance

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Love Fest 50th Reunion: Sewing any remaining wild oats encouraged!

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

Life Extension Journal.

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

I can be upgraded, can you?

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

'Dang! The Hoopers have been force-feeding vitamins again.'

"The older I get, the more I change from a lounge lizard into a bathroom lizard..."

'I'll teach that social security computer a few things!'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'They might look sexy and seductive but all I want to do is the crossword.'

As a louder and more satisfying alternative to clapping, Lily uses her bingo wings.

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'