Silicon Valley Skeptic Gifts

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

Women Are Pissed Off At Uber, But Will They Switch To Lyft?

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

'It was only 500 yds across but as he visualised the GPS blind spot the risks seemed immense.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

"Tommy? Hi, this is daddy. How's my big boy? Sweetie, daddy needs your help."

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Privacy

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote