Silicon Valley Insider Gifts

Elon Musk upset that 'X'is still referred to as 'Twitteer'.

Don't Do Evil, Just Be It

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"Tommy? Hi, this is daddy. How's my big boy? Sweetie, daddy needs your help."

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Supermarket Merge

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

Fiscal cliff

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

Computer tycoon, 'It's that nerd-do-well from next door,'

Tech Corp: Personnel Openings - We've reached our quota of nerds, but we are looking to hire geeks.

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

"Give us a chip."

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, start your companies!"

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

'The music business.'

"First, they take my domain, then they take my domain name."

'As a career goal, I'd like to work in government, get the goods on someone, and write a tell-all book.'

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

'This thing is dangerous! -- invent fire and burn it up!'

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"