Tech Industry Insider Gifts

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

"We've been cancelled."

Data From a Truck

SF NO

"What's that you're reading?"

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

HUAWEI 5G

Supermarket Merge

Facelook

"It's even more controversial than uber. It's a driverless taxi."

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

Facebook/Cambridge Analytica Scandal

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

Elon Musk upset that 'X'is still referred to as 'Twitteer'.

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

'These are our projected profits as capitalism self-destructs.'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

Spying Smart TV

'The music business.'

'It's called the iBarrow. It's a wheelbarrow to carry all your chargers around.'

'Excellent photo for the cover of our annual report, Richards. Tell me; which do we make, the cell phone or the umbrella?'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

Computer scared of user

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."