Sibling With A Quirky Pet Pillows

'Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those that care'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

A large leaf falling on a dog

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Haute Suture

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

'They're dog roses!'

Dog wearing a cone

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

Christmas Pets

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'@#$=%!} paparazzi!'

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

Pet Entertainers

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

Separation

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

Dog Birthdays

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"C'mon. Get out there and go tinkle already."

Cat king.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."