Shuffleboard Champ Gifts

The drug test showed no prescription painkillers in his system, so we had to suspend him. OFF. 7. 7. 8.

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Instructional guide to scribbling

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'May I say it's a great pleasure to present my work to such a distinquished assembly of my colleagues.'

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

'I'm afraid the numbers don't lie Norton, we're definitely nerds.'

'This part was tenure.'

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Oh sure, unload it on me to do it/Out.

'I understand you have nothing to do, York.'

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"Well, here's your problem. You need an O right there."

'...Or not.'

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

Noughts and crosses hugging and kissing.

'I forgot the question.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

"This thing isn't working."

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

'It's not an accounting breakthrough, Sam. It's wrong.'

Parent/Teacher conjugation

"There's the evidence of our mouse problem!"

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

It's an arithmetic class. Stop calling it a "numbers racket"!